Your body is your temple.

Lets unlearn what you've learnt. The dark ages of body fat are gone, this is ENLIGHTENMENT. The body, a temple? How orthodox! How 1990s! - We here, ma'am, are completely and fashionably atheist. We believe in machines and worship them. Here let me just grab your side tyre and show you what we are talking about. 29%- do you realise how close that is to being OBESE???? And an obese body, as we all know, is NOT a temple. Figuratively yeah, but spiritually well..you get the drift. This my dear friend is the RENNAISSANCE of fat- we have bikinis now, if we starve you enough you might grow packs- don't look so baffled my dear, a pack is, well lets just call it a limb. If Darwin were here he'd talk about the elimination of all those who don't have it. Decimate the flabbies!-he'd say. Aye aye! Repeat after me, "Survival of the FITTEST".

You need help. Yes you might DIE. I KNOW you are not really overweight, you're BMI says you're okay, but you and I both know that the BMI LIES! ALL the time. You could die of heart disease, when, why I believe right now, at this very moment! It is written right here in your folds of fat.

Don't gape at me, you know what that is, that is FAT. You are fat. The digital weighing machine has pronounced its verdict. You are guilty of fatness!. All the boys who laughed at you when you were a pudgy child, all the fancy schmancy showroom attendents who sniggered behind your back while you weeped inside locked changing rooms- THANK those people. Go down on your knees! You wouldn't be here if it weren't for them.

Welcome to our gym. Here is your membership ID. You are not fat anymore. You are ENLIGHTENED.